Why So Blu?

Nurse 3D (Blu-ray Review)

Is it weird that last weekend I had reviewed big name Blu-ray titles such as Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues, The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug and Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones, but perhaps the one title I’m most excited about is Nurse 3D?  I know that sounds odd just thinking about it and seeing my fingers move across the keyboard as the words take shape onscreen.  But I can’t help it!  As corny as the feature is, I had a good time with it on VOD.  Now that this is my second time around, what do you think?  Will I still enjoy it or maybe like it even more or less?  Who knows, but that’s what these reviews are for, second chances and first time bliss in some cases.  So truth be told I’m stoked to sit down with this title and although my Sony PlayStation 4 cannot yet play a 3D Blu-ray title, I’m not going to let that spoil the fun as I deliver one of the finest Blu-ray reviews you’ll see on the World Wide Web for Doug Aarniokoski’s sexy, medical slasher where Fatal Attraction meets B-movie cheese in Nurse.  Come on!  Let’s splice this bad boy open!

Film

Honest to God, I know this will sound really stupid, but I feel kind of personally attached to Nurse 3D in a non-involved way.  I remember this feature fondly because it’s sadly one of the last times I was in my beloved Los Angeles, except for all too quick vacation there two years ago.  The year was 2011 and Bruno Tatolovic, Robert Graziosi and myself were at the American Film Market in beautiful Santa Monica (can you tell how much I want to effin’ live there or what?) and we were pitching our screenplay Take it to the Grave to potential studios that may be interested.  It was there that I got a glimpse of sexy starlet Paz de la Huerta’s (HBO’s Boardwalk Empire) lanky nude body covered from head to toe in blood on a movie poster that simply read Nurse 3D (that poster can be seen here).  I thought to myself now there’s a movie I could really get behind no matter how bad it will probably suck.  The producers of the flick knew their marketing with me and thankfully two years later it worked on Lionsgate too when they acquired the rights.

In addition to Paz de la Huerta Nurse 3D stars an equally stunning Katrina Bowden (TV’s 30 Rock) in a role opposite of her that makes it feel that much hotter in your viewing room.  In addition to the two beauties, the Doug Aarniokoski directed film also includes stars Corbin Bleu (the High School Musical franchise) and Judd Nelson (St. Elmo’s Fire, The Breakfast Club).  Armed with all this information, now you’re playing with power!

 So while Nurse 3D had a limited theater release, most of us common folks probably checked this one out on VOD since I’m sure curiosity got the best of you.  It’s okay.  Don’t be ashamed to admit.  I spent the $6.99 on iTunes to check it out, but the real question is did the film make it’s 10 million-dollar budget back and even better, was it even any good?  Really?  You expect this to be good?!  Come on.  Maybe a reality check is in order for you.

By day, nurse Abby Russell (de la Huerta) lovingly attends to the patients at All Saints Memorial Hospital, but by night, she lives secret double life.   She prowls and lures unfaithful men into dangerous…um…scenarios.   And best of all, she looks sexy as hell doing it!  But of course.  That’s the point of this film.  The violence, sex and nudity practically seal the deal here and sells this film without a further thought.   However, I digress because things do get a little complicated in Abby’s world after Danni (Bowden), a young nurse, joins the hospital staff.  Abby pursues her friendship, but she wants much more than that if you’re picking up what I’m dropping.  Let’s just say Abby gets a bit obsessed and when Danni denies Abby’s advances well…let’s just say Abby goes a little crazy and all you men may want to just stay in until it’s safe…if it ever is again that is.

So you might see my film score up above and say wow this reviewer hated it, and rightfully so.  However, if you made that assumption you would be totally wrong.  Yes, a film score of a 2 is not a good one, but remember I’m a critic and I have my credentials and reputation to protect too (even though I despised last year’s 12 Years A Slave).  LOL.  This one is more of a guilty pleasure for me where I realize the film really has no merit to exist in the condition it is, but much like Zombie Strippers (see my full review of that here), I just can’t resist having a bloody good time with Nurse 3D, even with my second viewing.  It’s not the right mix of B-movie campiness it should be, and it definitely has no true wit, charm or charisma, but remember what it does have…blood, violence and plenty of nudity to boot, albeit all quirky at times.  Those three always form a heavy hitting combo for horror aficionados.  And if you don’t believe me, even I’m kind of speechless by this, the movie still has a fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes over here.  How’s that for authority?

Nurse 3D has a purpose.  It has a narrative and I’ll give it that, but it doesn’t live up to the ultimate hype and promise, we’ll call it potential, it really has.  It could have been so much more and heck there still could be a sequel.  But in the long run, the more I psychoanalyze its existence in the world, it pisses me off that scripts I have written aren’t out in the cinemas yet while this one gets green lit for ten million dollars.  It just goes to show you, sex sells.  Don’t ever forget that.  You too can make a movie where your lead character is a sexy, serial killer nurse who responds “My schedule has been murder” when asked where she has been.

Video 

So the movie’s one thing, but how’s the video and audio on this Blu-ray release?  I’m assuming that’s what you’re all here for.

• Encoding: AVC MPEG-4
• Resolution: 1080p
• Aspect Ratio: 2.40:1
• Clarity/Detail: For the most part, things are quite immaculate here in the detail department from the sequence in sexy, tight outfits to the moles and freckles on skin (and there’s a lot of skin here).  You can clearly see stray hairs protruding from character heads, individual beads of rain falling down and I’m willing to wager that the downtown skyline in the nighttime sequences will absolutely leave you in gasping in awe.  Yeah.  I would say we’re pretty good here.  Check!
• Depth: Because of the 3-D nature of how this film is intended to be seen I think you can rest assured that you have plenty of three-dimensional pop and and like qualities to this presentation.
• Black Levels: I absolutely zero qualms here too as the black levels were murderously deep and inky throughout.
• Color Reproduction: Because of the darker nature of this print the colors really stood out here when they were afforded the opportunity to be present, especially the neon signs in the nighttime cityscapes and the vibrancy of the red blood, of which there’s thankfully a lot of here.
• Flesh Tones: Because there’s a lot of skin shown here it just makes sense that it all looks pasty and natural throughout.  Bonus!
• Noise/Artifacts: Not every shot is rendered and presented as razor sharp as possible, but you’ll be hard pressed to really nitpick about anything here in this presentation as far as noise, artifacts, white specks, etc.

Audio 

You pain is her pleasure in this 5.1 surround track from Lionsgate Home Entertainment.  Find out why below!

• Audio Format: English 5.1 DTS-HD Master Audio, Spanish 5.1 Dolby Digital
• Subtitles: English, English SDH, Spanish
• Dynamics: I like this one!  Unlike the movie this surround track has gusto and charisma and is quite the force to be reckoned with here from its remarkable reproduction of atmospheric onscreen events to its beefy score that rocks your viewing room.
• Low Frequency Extension: I’m also quite pleased here too for many reasons.  From the rain, thunder and car crashes to the bass-filled score, this one has a real punch and kick to it.
  
• Surround Sound Presentation: This may be the track’s biggest strength it has going for it.  From the quirky Dexter-like score that infects all around you to the ambulance sirens and rain, you’re caught in the middle of this engaging surround field.  Now I know it’s Nurse 3D we’re talking about here, but in a 5.1 DTS-HD rainstorm…is there really any other place that you want to be besides in the middle?
• Dialogue Reproduction: Everything for the most part is pretty loud and intelligible throughout here.

Extras 

I’m sure not many of you were expecting anything very Earth shattering here so it shouldn’t be disappointing or shocking at all when I say you were right.  In addition to a 3-D Blu-ray version of the film there’s also an UltraViolet Digital HD copy of it too via a redeemable code as well as a handful of trailers and the following three supplements.  However, we do have an audio commentary!  That should count for something.  So if you’re a fan of this Lionsgate flick, you know what to do here.  Enjoy!

• Bad Medicine: The Making of Nurse (HD, 8:08) – This featurette shows the cast and crew behind-the-scenes as well as them chiming in talking about their roles, the fun they had and what drew them to the project.  Just like me, Katrina got sucked in by the film’s original movie poster that I saw at AFM (it can be seen here courtesy of Gerard Iribe).  I’m telling you all…brilliant job marketing department.  Actress Niecy Nash was the definitely funniest of them all, but I won’t spoil it for you.  Judd Nelson concludes this featurette by jokingly stating “not all nurses want to make sure you are okay.”  When you watch the film, you’ll pick up what he’s dropping.
• Director Commentary – This one is pretty self-explanatory of course as by the title I’m sure you can tell that this is an audio commentary with director Douglas Aarniokoski as he dishes the goods on Nurse 3D while you watch it.
• Video Diaries (HD, 5:47) – Here we go behind-the-scenes with actors Katrina Bowden as she goes to the gym, gets fit for a costume, showing off her long johns in Toronto , getting hair done, baking cookies and hitting her head while Corbin Bleu performs B-roll pranks such as air horn madness, park bench sleeping, wearing a Batman mask and something stupid in a mall.  You get the drift here, unless you like these two, stay far away from this extra.

Summary 

Gawd!  I really hate seeing this overall low score up above, but let’s face it.  Nurse 3D isn’t for everyone.  It’s for those rare uncanny folks who know when a movie is really bad, but despite all the awfulness that plagues it can still have a good time with it and embrace it for the cheese it is.  That’s truly why Nurse 3D exists.  And if nothing else, this Blu-ray sure has pretty video with lots of boobs and other gratuitous nudity, not to mention quite a rambunctious surround track, Digital HD copy and a 3D version of the film…IF your player can handle it…or you for that matter too.  LOL.  Nurse 3D operates on Blu-ray this coming Tuesday, April 8th.  Make sure to get your pre-order in here.  It’s not necessarily one you need, but don’t you owe it to your Blu-ray collection to feed it?  I thought so!